Hi Tobi
This is a lovely piece of writing. I like the way your first paragraph is information about the school, and your last sentence “So do not wait a minute more…” is a good ending. I can imagine that being in a leaflet. Well done!
Dear Tobi, I liked the way you used lots of imformation on St Pauls and All Hallows school, such as the staff, head teachers,deputy head and head of staff.I liked the way you said about the school clubs and school councils.I liked the way you commented on the number of clubs that exist. I wish we had more clubs for boys where they can have fun and enjoy themselves.
A brilliant piece of writing Tobi, I like the fact that you got all the important subjects out of the way. You could have added some information about the clubs and the staff who run them, also the tournaments that we enter and how much the children enjoy themselves.
An outstanding leaflet Tobi! If I was a parent, after reading this leaflet I would definetely send my child to St.Pauls. This leaflet has included all the major points and information about the school but not in a boring way that could send someone to sleep. I agree with Nikkala you should have included information about tournaments and clubs taking place in school and how much children enjoy all of them.
Hannah
I’m not quite sure if you should be using first names for members of staff. Perphaps you should write their surnames instead as a sign of respect.Remeber we are striving towards being an out standing school and should show the world we are great in all respects.
Hi Tobi
This is a lovely piece of writing. I like the way your first paragraph is information about the school, and your last sentence “So do not wait a minute more…” is a good ending. I can imagine that being in a leaflet. Well done!
Great work Tobi this writing is very interesting and insprational, but I think you should write more about the school.
Dear Tobi, I liked the way you used lots of imformation on St Pauls and All Hallows school, such as the staff, head teachers,deputy head and head of staff.I liked the way you said about the school clubs and school councils.I liked the way you commented on the number of clubs that exist. I wish we had more clubs for boys where they can have fun and enjoy themselves.
A brilliant piece of writing Tobi, I like the fact that you got all the important subjects out of the way. You could have added some information about the clubs and the staff who run them, also the tournaments that we enter and how much the children enjoy themselves.
Nikkala, thank you. You have given me some useful advice, I will apply this valuable information to my work and take all of it into consideration.
An outstanding leaflet Tobi! If I was a parent, after reading this leaflet I would definetely send my child to St.Pauls. This leaflet has included all the major points and information about the school but not in a boring way that could send someone to sleep. I agree with Nikkala you should have included information about tournaments and clubs taking place in school and how much children enjoy all of them.
Hannah
I’m not quite sure if you should be using first names for members of staff. Perphaps you should write their surnames instead as a sign of respect.Remeber we are striving towards being an out standing school and should show the world we are great in all respects.
Outstanding work,but I dont think you should use the first names of teachers.Apart from that its perfect.:)
Nice work Tobi, I really applaud you for writing this, the language, as not much people do this.