Wow Hannah, this is a great piece of writing! I like the way you use questions in your writing to help persuade the reader, e.g. “Wouldn’t you want your child to be in a winning school?”. This is very effective!
I can only think of one thing to improve your writing: where you start your paragraph with “Personally, St Paul’s is a fun…” that should really say “Personally, I feel that St Paul’s is…” or “Personally, I think that St Paul’s is…”. Just a small grammatical point in an otherwise very good piece! Well done!
Hannah I really liked your leaflet bcause it included all the features of persuasive writing. In particular, I liked how you used rhetorrical questions to make the reader think. That would usually be in an actual leaflet. Well done!
I like the way this has been written, I have not found anything you have not covered. Your grammar and spelling is excellent, you should be proud of your outstanding work. I like the rhetorical question “Wouldn’t you want your child to be in a winning school?” It is persuasive and effective. Impeccable Work!!!
Hannah, I loved reading your comments!
You said some fantastic things about our school, is there anything you think we could do to improve our school to make it even better?
Mrs Easton, our school (St Pauls and All Hallows Acadamey Trust), is already out-standing and there is nothing much to change about the school. If there was one or three things to change about the school, I think the one of the major things is children wasting food. This is because several children do not like the way the food is prepared at school and throw away about 50% of the food given to them. Furthermore, they are not aware of the privilidge they have to eat this quality of food.
I think this is very wrong and unfortunate because many countries around the world that are not provided with good, clean and healthy food.
Consequently, I think the school should do a poll and see the food most children like, if that food is really unhealthy the school should give the children the same food but add a few healthier foods, this way everyone will be happy. That is my main concern Mrs. Easton.
Hannah
Hannah,
Thank you for your response.
I agree with you, I don’t like to see children wasting food! It would be good to conduct a survey to see what food on the menu pupils like and what food they would want to see changed on the menu. Would you be willing to lead this?
I’m sure if you speak to Ms Amber she would help you and would involve the school council.
Teresa, the head of the kitchen, is always looking at how she can improve the meals and I know she would welcome menu suggestions.
WOW!!!! Hannah what a nice piece of writing, I really enjoyed that writing you really should be a level work and I would love to let my child to that school.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL DONE HANNAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mrs Easton, I am quite willing to lead the survey with a few people for example the school council members, other students in my class and so on.
My group and I will go around to each class in the Juniors and the Infants and to interview the children about the food they like the most children. We will record the information in tables and charts and record it for that class. We will explain the the children that not all suggestions will be part of the menu. First, we need to make sure that the school can provide it and agrese with the suggestion before we saying yes. The 4 or 5 best foods out of all classes in the Juniors/Infants will be put on the menu but as said previously we would want to maintain healthy eating at St.Paul’s.
Hannah
After the half term holiday, let’s see how we can organise the survey.
We will need to talk to Teresa about any suggestions to changing the menu. Teresa is the head of our kitchen but she has someone called Toni who manages what she is allowed to serve.
If we can stop some of the waste by changing some of the menu options, it can only be positive.
Wow Hannah! Your work is really amazing.
I loved the way you described our school.This could really encourage parents to send their children to St.Paul’s and All Hallows. You have used lovely vocabulary and persuasive language. If you want to give a realistic image of this school are there anythings that you are not one hundred percent happy with?
WOW wonderful pice of wriitting Hannah, you have fully described our school. I am 100% sure people around the world will find out our school is one of the best schools in Haringey
Hannah your work is amazing,I loved reading every bit of your work. I would definitely send my child to St Pauls and All Hallows if I was a parent after reading this. 🙂
Hannah your work is absoulately amazing, I personally think that the language you have used is more greater than ever. Your writing can help me so much especially with my persuasive writing, I now realise that I must use the appropriate language in order to catch my readers eye.
Thank you for all your reviews of my work. I am very grateful, happy and appreciate all of your comments. I am glad I have assisted you in your writing Nikkala and maybe next time you will help me with mine!
I hope all of you continue to blog by posting work, reading and commenting on other people’s work. It really helps you with your writing in class, trust me. In my view, it helps me because when I am writing, I have to think of it not just as blogging but also I think in my mind that everyone in the world will see and read this. This makes me to do it to the best of my ability.
Hannah
This a great piece of writing this vocabulary spelling and punctuation is brilliant,maybe you could help me on get my work higher than it is now :D.You have really insprated people with this piece of work you should be proud of yourself.
Hannah, I think your work is fabulous the preasantation is brilliant and I think you truly deserve to be a level 5 and I hope in the future you grow up to be a talented and a successful writer.
I enjoyed reading this peice of writing Hannah I also agree that a lot of the food that is served, most of the time is wasted so maybe it would help if the menu would change.I think the article gives a lot of information about our school and is very detailed.Well done!
Hannah,I think your work is fabulous the preasantation is brilliant and I think you truly deserve to be a level 5 and I hope in the future you grow up to be a talented and a successful writer.This a great piece of writing this vocabulary spelling and punctuation is brilliant,maybe you could help me get my work higher than it is now .You have really insprated people with this piece of work you should be proud of yourself.I personally think that the language you have used is more greater than ever. Your writing can help me so much especially with my persuasive writing, I now realise that I must use the appropriate language in order to catch my readers eye.
Wow Hannah, this is a great piece of writing! I like the way you use questions in your writing to help persuade the reader, e.g. “Wouldn’t you want your child to be in a winning school?”. This is very effective!
I can only think of one thing to improve your writing: where you start your paragraph with “Personally, St Paul’s is a fun…” that should really say “Personally, I feel that St Paul’s is…” or “Personally, I think that St Paul’s is…”. Just a small grammatical point in an otherwise very good piece! Well done!
Hannah, what an outstanding piece of writing, I think you have done and exceptionally fantastic piece of writing. I know why you achieved a levle 5 and I totally agree with your imformation and I think your writing is very specific!!!!!! rashad
Hannah that was magnificent I really enjoyed that.If i was looking for a school to send my child to i will send them to St Pauls And All Hallow.
Awesome Work, Carmel
I appreciate all your wonderful comments concerning my work. I feel so happy and proud that I have been of help to you in some way. I also felt that I have achieved many goals in my work. I am happy that all of you are happy and proud of the quality of my work.
I would like to do another piece of work on a topic, anyone have any ideas? If you do, please comment on this work, I would love to hear your ideas?
Thanks, Hannah
Wow Hannah, this is a great piece of writing! I like the way you use questions in your writing to help persuade the reader, e.g. “Wouldn’t you want your child to be in a winning school?”. This is very effective!
I can only think of one thing to improve your writing: where you start your paragraph with “Personally, St Paul’s is a fun…” that should really say “Personally, I feel that St Paul’s is…” or “Personally, I think that St Paul’s is…”. Just a small grammatical point in an otherwise very good piece! Well done!
Hannah I really liked your leaflet bcause it included all the features of persuasive writing. In particular, I liked how you used rhetorrical questions to make the reader think. That would usually be in an actual leaflet. Well done!
I like the way this has been written, I have not found anything you have not covered. Your grammar and spelling is excellent, you should be proud of your outstanding work. I like the rhetorical question “Wouldn’t you want your child to be in a winning school?” It is persuasive and effective. Impeccable Work!!!
Hannah, I loved reading your comments!
You said some fantastic things about our school, is there anything you think we could do to improve our school to make it even better?
Mrs Easton, our school (St Pauls and All Hallows Acadamey Trust), is already out-standing and there is nothing much to change about the school. If there was one or three things to change about the school, I think the one of the major things is children wasting food. This is because several children do not like the way the food is prepared at school and throw away about 50% of the food given to them. Furthermore, they are not aware of the privilidge they have to eat this quality of food.
I think this is very wrong and unfortunate because many countries around the world that are not provided with good, clean and healthy food.
Consequently, I think the school should do a poll and see the food most children like, if that food is really unhealthy the school should give the children the same food but add a few healthier foods, this way everyone will be happy. That is my main concern Mrs. Easton.
Hannah
Hannah,
Thank you for your response.
I agree with you, I don’t like to see children wasting food! It would be good to conduct a survey to see what food on the menu pupils like and what food they would want to see changed on the menu. Would you be willing to lead this?
I’m sure if you speak to Ms Amber she would help you and would involve the school council.
Teresa, the head of the kitchen, is always looking at how she can improve the meals and I know she would welcome menu suggestions.
WOW!!!! Hannah what a nice piece of writing, I really enjoyed that writing you really should be a level work and I would love to let my child to that school.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL DONE HANNAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mrs Easton, I am quite willing to lead the survey with a few people for example the school council members, other students in my class and so on.
My group and I will go around to each class in the Juniors and the Infants and to interview the children about the food they like the most children. We will record the information in tables and charts and record it for that class. We will explain the the children that not all suggestions will be part of the menu. First, we need to make sure that the school can provide it and agrese with the suggestion before we saying yes. The 4 or 5 best foods out of all classes in the Juniors/Infants will be put on the menu but as said previously we would want to maintain healthy eating at St.Paul’s.
Hannah
After the half term holiday, let’s see how we can organise the survey.
We will need to talk to Teresa about any suggestions to changing the menu. Teresa is the head of our kitchen but she has someone called Toni who manages what she is allowed to serve.
If we can stop some of the waste by changing some of the menu options, it can only be positive.
Wow Hannah! Your work is really amazing.
I loved the way you described our school.This could really encourage parents to send their children to St.Paul’s and All Hallows. You have used lovely vocabulary and persuasive language. If you want to give a realistic image of this school are there anythings that you are not one hundred percent happy with?
WOW wonderful pice of wriitting Hannah, you have fully described our school. I am 100% sure people around the world will find out our school is one of the best schools in Haringey
Hannah your work is amazing,I loved reading every bit of your work. I would definitely send my child to St Pauls and All Hallows if I was a parent after reading this. 🙂
Hannah your work is absoulately amazing, I personally think that the language you have used is more greater than ever. Your writing can help me so much especially with my persuasive writing, I now realise that I must use the appropriate language in order to catch my readers eye.
So thank you, Nikkala
Thank you for all your reviews of my work. I am very grateful, happy and appreciate all of your comments. I am glad I have assisted you in your writing Nikkala and maybe next time you will help me with mine!
I hope all of you continue to blog by posting work, reading and commenting on other people’s work. It really helps you with your writing in class, trust me. In my view, it helps me because when I am writing, I have to think of it not just as blogging but also I think in my mind that everyone in the world will see and read this. This makes me to do it to the best of my ability.
Hannah
This a great piece of writing this vocabulary spelling and punctuation is brilliant,maybe you could help me on get my work higher than it is now :D.You have really insprated people with this piece of work you should be proud of yourself.
Hannah, I think your work is fabulous the preasantation is brilliant and I think you truly deserve to be a level 5 and I hope in the future you grow up to be a talented and a successful writer.
I enjoyed reading this peice of writing Hannah I also agree that a lot of the food that is served, most of the time is wasted so maybe it would help if the menu would change.I think the article gives a lot of information about our school and is very detailed.Well done!
Hannah,I think your work is fabulous the preasantation is brilliant and I think you truly deserve to be a level 5 and I hope in the future you grow up to be a talented and a successful writer.This a great piece of writing this vocabulary spelling and punctuation is brilliant,maybe you could help me get my work higher than it is now .You have really insprated people with this piece of work you should be proud of yourself.I personally think that the language you have used is more greater than ever. Your writing can help me so much especially with my persuasive writing, I now realise that I must use the appropriate language in order to catch my readers eye.
Wow Hannah, this is a great piece of writing! I like the way you use questions in your writing to help persuade the reader, e.g. “Wouldn’t you want your child to be in a winning school?”. This is very effective!
I can only think of one thing to improve your writing: where you start your paragraph with “Personally, St Paul’s is a fun…” that should really say “Personally, I feel that St Paul’s is…” or “Personally, I think that St Paul’s is…”. Just a small grammatical point in an otherwise very good piece! Well done!
Reply
Hannah, what an outstanding piece of writing, I think you have done and exceptionally fantastic piece of writing. I know why you achieved a levle 5 and I totally agree with your imformation and I think your writing is very specific!!!!!! rashad
Hannah that was magnificent I really enjoyed that.If i was looking for a school to send my child to i will send them to St Pauls And All Hallow.
Awesome Work, Carmel
I appreciate all your wonderful comments concerning my work. I feel so happy and proud that I have been of help to you in some way. I also felt that I have achieved many goals in my work. I am happy that all of you are happy and proud of the quality of my work.
I would like to do another piece of work on a topic, anyone have any ideas? If you do, please comment on this work, I would love to hear your ideas?
Thanks, Hannah